It takes DETERMINATION to beat anger

Posted on November 27, 2011 by admin

Let’s Review what we’ve covered n the last 4 lessons.

Learn to calm down in the heat of the moment
Admit that you have a problem
Control your thinking
Learn to use relaxation techniques

The last thing you have to have is sheer determination.  You must make a conscious effort to win this fight!  If you think, “well I’ll give this anger management stuff a try”, nothing will happen.  You need to make a commitment that says, “I will be in control of my anger!”, “I will not hurt other people by being out of control.”imgae_determination

To do this you should use all means necessary.  Use our Anger Solution program, Use the hypnosis audio, begin meeting with a counselor, whatever it takes.

WARNING!!!  Don’t quit trying if you have a setback.  It is very normal when you are changing an ingrained habit to have downfalls on the way to victory.  When you start down this road at first you will feel really good, like nothing can stop you. You may think, “I’ve beat it!”  They suddenly you blow up and lose it.  It may then be the temptation to give up trying, thinking you will never win.  But you must be determined you will win!  You get back up, make apologies where needed and begin again.

In a football game there are many plays.  Some go well.  Some are setbacks.  But you keep going toward the goal until you win the game.  Now I want you to win this game. I want you to be a happier person and enjoy life and enjoy time with those you love.

Determine to win!

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Relaxation to reduce Anger

Posted on November 27, 2011 by admin

People with chronic anger typically have a very difficult time relaxing.  Even when they are not engaged in anything they are often in a very tense state.  I don’t even need to mention the obvious health risk this poses. image_meditation

Now I must admit that relaxation techniques do not generally work at the time you are experience heighten anger or rage.  It’s of no use to tell someone who is raging to, “just relax”.  In fact it will probably just make you angrier hearing that.  However, since anger has become a chronic issue for you, it has become a habit and you need to create new habits.

Relaxation must be used in times when you are not raging.  You must begin to practice on a consistent basis, preferably daily.  This will bring your overall tension down, and make it less likely that you will “blow-up”.

Now some people, men in particular, view relaxation as some kind of girly yoga (nothing against yoga – in fact it’s great).  But men, listen to me.  The use of focused relaxation is scientifically proven to decrease stress and tension.  It may be in the form of meditation, yoga, hypnosis, or breathing exercises.   These are very focused and intentional methods to relax.  It’s more than just watching TV or reading (which may be somewhat relaxing).  It has the specific intention to put you in a relaxed state of mind.  Doing this consistently will lower your tension and give you more tolerance for stressful situations.

My chosen form is psychological hypnosis, or focused relaxation.  This can be done on your own as self-hypnosis or in the office of a professional.  You may also get some materials on mediation, yoga, and breathing exercise, in our bookstore.

Whatever you do, you must begin a program of relaxation and that will get your mind and body in tune.  Trust me you will be glad you did!

By now I hope you have already purchased our full course on anger management. If not, why not go to www.theangersolution.net and order yours today.

I look forward to seeing you in the next lesson.

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Control Your Thinking

Posted on November 27, 2011 by admin

When you’re angry, your thinking can get exaggerated and irrational. Try replacing these kinds of thoughts with more useful, rational ones and you should find that this has an effect on the way you feel. For example, instead of telling yourself ‘I can’t stand it, it’s awful and everything’s ruined’, tell yourself ‘It’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it’.
We go into this subject in great depth in the full audio program.  So when your ready be sure to purchase The Anger Solution.   (Okay that’s the commercial for the day, now back to you thinking.)

Develop a list of things to say to yourself before, during and after situations that may make you angry. It is more helpful if these things focus on how you are managing the situation rather than what other people should be doing. Psychologists call this type of thinking ‘self talk’.

Before:
• ‘I’ll be able to handle this. It could be rough, but I have a plan.’
• ‘If I feel myself getting angry, I’ll know what to do.’
During:
• ‘Stay calm, relax, and breathe easy.’
• ‘Stay calm, I’m OK, s/he’s not attacking me personally.’
• ‘I can look and act calm.’
After:
• ‘I managed that well. I can do this. I’m getting better at this.’
• ‘I felt angry, but I didn’t lose my cool.’

Its important to realize that psychologically feelings flow from thoughts.  Think about this for a minuet, this is how actors can produce real tears.  They often think of some really sad event and they are then able to feel sad.  Also, you know the more you think about something that made you angry, the angrier you become.  It’s also true that if you began to consciously control the way you think about things you will have diffent feelings.  The battle real is between your ears, not between you and someone or something else.

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Admiting You Have an Anger Problem

Posted on November 15, 2011 by admin

fist_imageIt is vitally important to honestly admit you have an anger problem. But first you need to know how sever the problem is. Often with anger there is a lot of denial and justification of our behaviour. We either feel we don’t have a problem, it’s “just the way I am”. Or there is justification. The circumstances called for it, or the other person is clearly in the wrong and needs to be set straight.

What you need to understand is no matter how right you feel you are. It is never okay to be disrespectful to others, to intimidate others, to hurt others feelings. You are obviously doing this course because you do recognize a need you have. So let’s look now at where you are. Below is a brief assessment. Read through the statements and be honest about how often you exhibit that behavior.

Common Symptoms

Never

Sometimes

Frequently

Always
I use aggressive behavior.

0

1

2

3
I have explosive outbursts.

0

1

2

3
I have hit others or walls during these outbursts.

0

1

2

3
I have destroyed property during an outburst.

0

1

2

3
I feel hostility to insignificant irritants.

0

1

2

3
I use verbally abusive language.  

0

1

2

3
I am disrespectful to authority figures.  

0

1

2

3
I use body language to threaten e.g. clenched fist or jaw, glaring looks or refuse to make eye contact.

0

1

2

3
I have refused to participate socially due to anger.

0

1

2

3
I have made swift or harsh judgment statements made to or about others.

0

1

2

3

Add up each Column: Sub Total:

 

 

 

 
Add Total of all above Sub Totals: GRAND TOTAL:

 

 

Your Grand Total Score Is:
If your score is 1-10
Your score indicates a mild to moderate anger management concern.
If your score is 11-20
Your score indicates a moderate anger management concern.
If your score is 21-30
Your score indicates a severe anger management concern

Now look at your score. The higher it is the more urgent your need is. If you number is lower, great, but it doesn’t necessarily mean your problem free. It may be you have just caught a growing problem early. Anger issues tend to increase over time so it is great that you are being proactive and addressing you issues now.

Now it is important that you are honest enough to admit you have a problem with anger. Without this admission you cannot move ahead.

A great thing to do is keep this score from your assessment, and after going through the Full Anger Solution program you can do the test again and you will see how you have changed. The program has a great MS Excel program that will track your anger reaction on a broad area. Has you mark your responses each day over 12 weeks you can literally see the change that takes place in you. The Excel program has wonderful full color graphs.

When you feel ready go back to www.theangersolution.net and order the full program.

I look forward to seeing you in the next lesson.

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How to calm Anger down immediately: Lesson 1

Posted on November 11, 2011 by admin

yelling_imageYou are having difficulty controlling your anger, and perhaps something has happened just recently, maybe even today, that has caused you to blow-up, yell at someone, or just lose your temper in General.  So you probably need a quick fix and don’t really have time to wait for a lot of psych mumbo jumbo.  Am I right? 

I want to give you a very brief jump start to Anger Management so you can get in control right now.  To have long term results does take more work and I hope you will avail yourself to the recourses we are offering at order the Anger Solution Audio Program.


One of the hardest things to accomplish is how to calm down when you are ALREADY angry.  So let’s assume something has really happened that has got you furious.  You are steaming mad and ready to explode. You can feel the heat rushing into your head, you are gritting your teeth, and you really want to let someone have it.  I don’t know what may have happened to get you in this place, it may have been an employee late to work again, someone making a comment about you, or your spouse has done something that you know was meant to piss you off. Maybe someone cut you off on the road, or you’ve had a car accident.  Whatever it is, you’re steamed!

So what can you do to calm yourself down and not do or say something that you will soon regret.  Well are some quick fixes.  Remember these are just band-aids.  To get totally control you will need more.  But let’s get you calmed down first off. 

Try these things, even though some may sound a bit
.
1. Absolutely, in no way respond!!  Do not say a word! Bite your tongue.  This may be the single hardest thing for you to do.  People with anger reaction issues have a strong compulsion to speak.  But I want you to determine that when you FEEL ANGRY you will not say a thing.  There is an old saying that you should “strike while the iron is hot”.  That means to act when you feel the intensity.  But I want you to do the EXACT OPPOSITE!!   If it is a situation that you must deal with than I want you to “strike while the iron is COLD”!!!.    You can handle situations much better when you are in a calm state of mind.

Now to do this you must make a determination that you absolutely will not respond when your emotions feel angry.  In fact the feeling of anger should be your queue to not say a word.

2. Chew a stick of gum.  Always carry a pack with you.  When your temper is flaring up put a stick your mouth and begin to chew.  This will keep you from speaking to quickly, it will give your mouth something to do, and it will delay any other action while you think about your situation.

3.  Leave the scene at once.  I don’t care what it is, if you starting to get to angry and you feel you can’t control it.  Leave immediately.  Most everything can be dealt with later.  The feeling you get that you must deal with this now is lie. 

4.  After you have calmed down if you decide you must deal with the problem, (you may be surprised how many things you don’t have to deal with) than sit down with a pad of paper and write out exactly what the problem is what needs to be done.  This will cause your RATIONAL mind to kick into gear so that you are not just responding on emotion.

Now this is a quick fix.  We will look at more helpful information in the next lesson.  This may be a good time to go back to our web site and order the complete course and be well on your way to calmer more peaceful life.

I’ll see you in the Next Lesson

Mike

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How Angry are you today

Posted on July 29, 2011 by admin
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